and where were you at 4 o'clock?

Hello again

2011-06-08T08:47:00.003+01:00

Greetings world

I think I might start blogging again. Not sure yet about what, but I think I should at least make some sort of effort. That coupled with the facts that I am a] a bit bored @ work cos there ain't much happening [mind you when it does all kick off it's bloody frantic round here] and b] lots of things are pissing me off and I need somewhere to have a bloody good Kermodian style rant [in the manner of SATC2 rathern than POTC4 obvs]

That's it for today, but be sure to stay tuned...

End Of Days

2010-01-03T22:44:00.006Z

WARNING THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE OF AN OFFENSIVE NATURE THE REASON FOR WHICH IS THAT I AM JUST SO VERY VERY ANGRY.

It has come to my attention that that peice of tellyvisular effluence that is "Celebrity" Big Brother is back on our screens. My twitter feed has been filled with very little else. That is my own fault I suppose, but really it is at times like this that I despair for humanity, loudly wish everyone involved would fucking fuck the fucking fuck off and die a very long slow painful death - but after they have been forced to watch the ritual execution of all their loved ones.

In alpha order of cuntiness

Alex Reid - shagged some bint with big tits
Dane Bowers - no fucking idea
Heidi Fleiss - ran a brothel for hollywood film stars
Jonas Altberg - NFI
Katia Ivanova - quite littterally fucked a Rolling Stone
Lady Sovereign - pop tart
Nicola Tappenden - NFI but I'm lead to believe she's got big tits.
Sisqó - NFI
Stephanie Beacham - actress on, as they say, her "uppers" if she's reduced to this shite
Stephen Baldwin - the "other" Baldwin brother... no, not him the "other other" one.
Vinnie Jones - former footballer and actor of no repute.

Is this really the same species that produced the likes of Leonardo, Michelangelo, Newton and Darwin? Have we sunk SO low culturally and morally?

Ramdom Jottings

2010-01-02T22:00:00.000Z

Lorks a lordy - go away for months and then two postings in two days! This might get to be a habit.

David Ford has announced a tour, with two do-able dates - Manchester and Liverpool. However given the current job situation, I have no idea what I'm going to be doing even as close as February so I can't book.

Seems that I have passed on my cold to the DSM, who is not best pleased. Can't say that I blame her, though it's good that we're not ill at the same time. And the weather has improved.

Doctor Who - sweet General Douglas McArthur! I fully understand the WHY but boy, the last time anything was milked that much it's name was Daisy. Also, while I'm a fan of David Tennant he's been all over the BBC this past fortnight like a cheap suit. Management need a bloody good talking too. This was nearly as bad as the U2 debacle.

Breaking Radio Silence

2010-01-01T22:00:00.006Z

My ever faithful reader, The STB Good Doctor, has been pestering me over my lack of bloggage. This seems to prove my theory that childbirth addles the brain, if someone of her brainthesizeofaplanet intellect needs to read my peculiar ramblings in order to be entertained. BTW Debs, on a related point, the thing I learnt from changing babies' nappies [which I did for my cousins a long, long time ago] is that baby poo is both the most toxic and adheasive substance in the known universe.

As to why I stopped – this is best summed up by slightly paraphrasing Ms Mann...
"I could get specific but
Nobody needs a catalog
With details of shit I can't sell anymore"

Thus, moving on, what news from the front mein general?

Well, I received formal notification that I was being made redundant at the end of January. Given the amount of work I had been doing, I can’t say that this was a shock. Plus the rather handsome “payoff” I’m getting [all of which is tax free yum yum yum] means I can’t really complain much. However on a more realistic note, the money isn’t enough to retire on and getting a job at my age may prove to be a lot harder than the last time I looked, 12 years ago. My reaction to the news has of course been to try and ignore it, in the hope that it would somehow go away. I have spent the last 2 weeks sat in front of my shiny new tv [did I mention it’s HUGE btw?] watching the complete Battlestar Galactica from start to finish. The only reason I’m writing this is that I’ve finished it.

If I can motivate myself, Monday should find me updating my CV and registering on various job websites. Either that or it’s The Wire box set.

On the subject of BSG - two thing that struck me...
1] Of the two acknowledged homosexual characters in the series [no ames no spolers], both were portrayed as deeply flawed morally and ended up being shot.
2] How much fracking alcohol did everyone drink and where did it come from? Many of the lead characters seemed to be permanently pissed, and I’m not just on about the XO.

It's Another Day.

2009-10-06T21:20:00.002+01:00

Had to go into work today to finalise some system updates on my laptop. That meant an early start and of course it had to be cold and raining, and of course the beloved canine decided to dawdle on his early morning walk. In other news I picked up my medication yesterday and found that they'd given me a double dose, which handily halves the cost, Something you have to think about when you're on a lifetime's presciption. I can also change which phamacist I collect it from, so I don't have to schelp half way across town every two months.

Here's To You Mrs Chatterley

2009-10-05T22:00:00.000+01:00

Today's post brought with it yet more musical goodness. First up was the new edition of "The Word" featuring yet another Beardy Bloke on the cover which, while good, only served to remind me that I haven't finished reading LAST months copy. Fortunatly there are a few gigs coming up which should provide suitable reading time. Today also the arrival of the mighty Pelmet's 3rd record "The Graduate." I would do a review but in all honesty I couldn't really be objective and the biggest fault I can find with it is my own over familiarity with all the songs.

Wowbagger The Infinitely Prolonged

2009-10-04T23:43:00.005+01:00

I have been trying and failing for the last hour to write today's blog entry about the complete and utter futility of everything so that didn't sound like some pathetic narcissistic cry for help. There were far many "I"s amongst the 100 words. So change of plan....

Today has been successfully spent in full Sunday mode. The beloved canine was walked , food was eaten and bad weather avoided. The rest of the time was spent re-reading Calvin & Hobbes cartoons and listening to the latest batch of "acquired" musical goodness. I was intending to call into the office tomorrow in order to complete some required updates for the laptop but that will have to wait 'till Tuesday as I've got to go to the Chemist's to get my prescription. If I can't get off the eye drops, will need to renegotiate exactly where I collect them from.

Good Days Bad Days I've Had One Of Those

2009-10-03T18:00:00.000+01:00

Bad start to the day, as I had what the young folk would call an "Epic Fail" by not ensuring that the Pharmacy where I was supposed to be getting my eye drops, would actually be open on a Saturday morning. D'oh! As a result I'm now out till Monday. However, to cheer things up a little today's post brought the new Terry Pratchett book "Unseen Academicals" wherein the game of football [proper footie, with pointy hats for goalposts] reaches the Discworld. I may well bump that up the list of "unreads" so it's next. A full review on completion.

TV Review - FlashFoward

2009-10-02T23:00:00.006+01:00

This has been hailed as the "New Lost" - so much so that there is a nice little in-joke of a billboard advertising Oceanic Airways in the opening scenes. The plot is nicely "high concept" - every one on the planet falls "asleep" for 137 seconds and has a vision of themselves six months into the future. Who or what caused this falls to the FBI to discover, while people try to come to terms with what they saw and what it all means about free will or pre-determinacy.We have been assured that, unlike Lost, the writers have an actual "plan" based on how long the show may run, so that there is a definite end point. Sounds promising.

Blog Roll

2009-10-01T18:00:00.002+01:00

Regardless of the motives of his arrest, please remember that Roman Polanski actually RAPED A CHILD.
That sanctimonious rag The Daily Mail continues to both hate women and trying to scare to dim-witted.
A second considered viewpoint on the same subject.
The Word points out why you should pay for you content.
Music As Free sums up some comments.
Meanwhile Amanda Fucking Palmer is not afraid to take your money.
Intelligent Life wonders Is Google Killing General Knowledge?
And finally just to cheer everyone up news that Ohio has ratified Hang On Sloopy as their official rock song in 1985.

Mad Muppets

2009-09-30T23:00:00.003+01:00

Sesame Street was and despite Disney's interference [The Cookie monster eating fruit???] probably still is one of the best children's show on television. Over the years, anyone who is anyone as been a guest on the show, even managing to make James Blunt kid friendly! So when I heard about "the Muppets do MadMen" I naturally assumed it was going to be yet another YouTube mash-up. However this is the real deal and this particular skit works on so many levels - I mean how many kids actually know how advertising works? Definitely one for the "grown ups" in the room.

Another Day...Another Moan

2009-09-29T23:00:00.001+01:00

I am fully aware that all my griping a moaning is getting to be a bit boring, but fuck it, it's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to. Also, the entries are small and if anyone does actually read my particularly brand of shit, then they can skip over them. Today was one of those days were my mood fully matched the weather - dull overcast and somewhat oppressive. Had a headache most of the day, which paracetamol and an afternoon nap [yes I'm getting old] did nothing to shift. It was a little like spending the day nursing a nasty hangover, which was annoying seeing as I hadn't actually indulged in the falling down water. I had been hoping that since the dental work these would stop - but it would appear the two are not related....

On the plus side nobody did anything to worsen my mood :)

Record Review: Pixie Lott - Turn It Up

2009-09-28T22:59:00.002+01:00

This record is possibly the nastiest piece of unlistenable crap to have assaulted my ears in a very long time. Every single track has been overproduced and audio-tuned to within an inch of it's life, that I cannot find a single redeeming feature. Mike [who's met and photographed her] tells me she's a very pleasant young lady, but so are the guys in Breaks Lidl [probably] but that didn't stop them from being shit did it? What's particularly annoying is that, judging fro the YouTube evidence, the girl can actually sing.

Frankly, everyone involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

This Ain't No Technological Breakdown

2009-09-27T19:33:00.002+01:00

Saw this over at the STBGD Deborah's blog. Is this what we have been reduced to? I'm fully aware that sex sells and as a red blooded heterosexual I'm not averse or even immune to the charms of the occasional scantily clad luvlee, but you know everything in the proper place. This, however just made me even more depressed. It's yet another example of those "good intentions" that pave the road to Hell upon which the human race seems desperate to race down. Is this what has to be done now to convince 18-30 year old males to become an organ donor? Is there little point in trying to appeal to their better nature, because they simply haven't got one?

Postman Pat Is My Friend

2009-09-26T23:05:00.001+01:00

Big haul in the post today. The 2010 Moleskine notebook and diaries arrived. Can you believe the 1st decade of the millennium is nearly over already? Ten years already?? On the plus side of course, this does mean that very soon, [25 short months to be precise] my mortgage payments will come to an end. Hoo and indeed Rah! In addition the Simon's Cat book arrived, which proved to be an all too brief but still very funny read. I have made sure to hide it from my two felonious felines, just in case it gives them any "funny" ideas.

The Sun Always Shines On TV.

2009-09-25T18:00:00.001+01:00

So we have the first big batch of brand new shows...

Bored To Death - wimpy dope smoking alcoholic's girlfriend leaves him [if you need to know why, please re-read the first part of this sentence] and after he reads "Farewell My Lovely" decides to become a Private Investigator. Shows some promise but I'm finding the lead a bit annoying.
NCIS LA - spin off of the hugely-sucessful-but-I've-never-seen-it NCIS show about crimes in the military. It's a bit "CSI in uniform." This seems to fall into "yet another cop show." Nothing to make it stand out.
The Forgotten - group of civilians investigate John/Jane Doe cases the police don't have any more time for. Always good to see Christian Slater back on TV even if he isn't chewing scenery in this[shame]. However this may well turn into a soapy murder of the week show.
The Good Wife - woman find herself having to go back to work as a lawyer after her husband gets arrested for dodgy dealings. May be a "trial of the week show" or just maybe the husband's nefarious activities may give it a darker series arc.

Can't say that I'm hugely invested in any of them after just one episode - they'll get another couple of spins around the block before I drop them from the rosta. After all I don't want to miss out on another "True Blood" now do I?

Scientific Progress Goes "Boink"

2009-09-24T12:00:00.003+01:00

This is a BBC Radio 4 documentary from Tuesday 22nd September, presented by Phil Jupitus, about the adventures of the stuffed tiger owning six-year old with an overactive imagination. I became a fan from the moment I first encountered them back in the mid eighties. Hard to believe that Bill Watterson only documented those "fun packed" days for just 10 years. Even harder to believe that Watterson didn't cash in on the phenomenon he'd created - which is why there is no C&H merch. Thus you could do worse than ~~buy~~ treat yourself the Complete Works for just £55!

Blue Man Sings The Whites

2009-09-23T23:22:00.001+01:00

At the risk of sounding like an old blues record I woke up this morning [which given the alternative is a good thing] with a recurrence of my neck trouble. Not having to drive meant that I didn't actually need to take the day off sick - only fair really given the amount of actual "work" I'm doing. The good news arrived with the post. First off the 3rd installment of David Ford's "Pages Torn..." EPs. Nice to have the physical CD, as I hate the evil iChoons. Second was the much anticipated and eagerly awaited, hand written lyric sheet from Thea Gilmore, as part of the Angels In The Abattoir package. I don't know where in the writing cycle this was, but it's still legible. :) I shall have to get them framed.

Go And Do Something Less Boring Instead

2009-09-22T12:00:00.000+01:00

Working from home has many advantages. Today's being that I get to watch television while I should be working. This is fortunate as the autumn season kicked off today, with no less than eight brand new US shows and what with double episodes of both House and Heroes, that works out at nearly 6 hours of telly-visular goodness. Plus there are also 2eps of "Waking The Dead" and one of "Bang Goes The Theory" from this side of the pond to catch up on. If I didn't do some work & play I'd never get to watch them all.

A Box Of Delights

2009-09-21T20:00:00.001+01:00

I know it's probably unbecoming for a 41 year old man to get excited over a pile of metal and plastic but fuck it I am. The Battlestar Galactica DVD box set was delivered today and it is a thing of both wonder and beauty. The bundled season DVDs are packed into the metal box to give the allusion of a hard-disk array - much geek love. Shame that it's arrival coincides with the start of the US autum season, but it's something to watch over the X-mas/new year hiatus - along with the box set of The Wire.

Last Of The Summer Whine

2009-09-20T22:52:00.000+01:00

Awoke this morning in a marginally better mood that yesterday - in so far as no longer wanting to kill EVERYONE. I Can't say that my hatred of Humans as a species has abated though. Fortunatly, other people seem to be be making great efforts in bringing about an extinction event so I don't have to actually "do" anything. I may even stop recycling. Ooh radical!

That aside today proved to be what may be a last hurrah of summer. Shorts and t-shirt were worn with what can only be described as "gay abandon" for a day in mid September.

Stop The World I Want To Get Off.

2009-09-19T20:01:00.005+01:00

Ever had one of those days when everything conspires to just piss you off? And as each new tiny pissy offy thing occurs you get more and more angry. So angry that you begin to feel that, quite frankly, Stalin & Hitler were serious under-achievers in the genocidestakes and what you really, really want, is to kill, oh approximately say, EVERY.FUCKING.CUNTING.BOLLOCK. BRAINED.MOUTH.BREATHING.LAST.ONE!

Well I have had one of those days. Young Mr. Gray is fond of the expression "Death By A Thousand Paper Cuts" well that describes the situation exactly. Little tiny sources of irritation that build up and up and up. It's a bloody good job that the gun laws in this country make it virtually impossible for me to obtain automatic weaponry, otherwise the next time you'd see my name it would be under the headline MASSACRE AT LOCAL SHOPPING MALL.

This is a serious plea to any intelligent alien lifeforms reading this blog in a galaxy far, far away, would you kindly come and pick me up? Please? Cos as Python put it "There's bugger all here on earth."

....And relax.

Live Comedy - I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue

2009-09-18T23:00:00.000+01:00

It's the little things you forget due to not gigging. Things like how weak and devoid of actual coffee taste Starbucks' coffee is. A reminder I was left with for the rest of the evening having left my gum in the car - won't make that mistake again. Would have gone to the infinitely superior Cafe Nero but the nearest was to far away from the theatre. That being said I did not let it spoil my evening with the"antidote to panel games." Though the chap sat next to me tried to by belching his way through the evening.

Return To Sender

2009-09-17T18:00:00.000+01:00

It was, from the very beginning a forlorn hope. When the powers-what-be sent me my shiny and new laptop, I had thought they'd forgotten about the old one and I would be able to hang on to it. Well I was caught up with at last and given precise instructions on how and where to return said machine - or else. So I went into the office to print off the required labels, make the necessary phone calls and said machine was boxed up and shipped out. Mind you the instructions on wiping the drive off it were an Epic Fail. A call to the help desk resulted in being told to advise site support, but they would't do anything anyway...WTF? In the end I just deleted everything off I could via Windows. It's not like I had any "sensitive" data.

As an aside - I now finally have everything working correctly on the HP. That being said, the whole palaver with the retro-fit seems to have been a complete and utter waste of time. I don't/can't use the security dongle to log-on @ start up and connecting to HP's own VPN mean I cannot connect to EDS's network drive. So the practical upshot of all that larking about last week was just to end up with a 16 digit password.

Time Flies Like An Arrow...

2009-09-16T21:30:00.000+01:00

...but fruit flies like a banana!*

It's been a week since my last blog. Well over a week - eight days to be exact. It's amazing how easy it is to let things slide. I have no excuse for it other than my own laziness and the small molehill that turns into a huge fucking mountain of apathy. But, I'm back, large as life and twice as ugly, making a determined effort to play catch up. The only thing I can be certain about is that this won't be the last time. Fortunately I kept notes on what I wanted to say, so here goes...

*Boom and indeed tish!

Please Look After These DVDs

2009-09-15T12:00:00.003+01:00

Following the purchase of the Paddington Bear book last month, as mentioned here, I was moved by this very special offer - all 57 episodes of the TV show, on four DVDs, boxed up in a special limited edition Suitcase. All that for the princely sum of £14 of your earth type monies. Bargain! How could anyone, or more specifically me, resist such a offer? Well I couldn't so I went ahead and bought it. I shall look forward to reliving my youth in the more "idle" moments of my "very hectic" lifestyle. Maybe with a nice thick marmalade sandwich.

Hamlet - Act III Scene I

2009-09-14T12:00:00.002+01:00

Had the weirdest experience last night. A really vivid dream - so vivid that it felt real. Basically, I was living a perfectly normal life except for the fact that my right hand appeared to be totally mangled. No comment seemed to be made about this disability by anyone and I seemed to function perfectly normally. Now I don't hold with any of that Freudian analysis of dreams - I KNOW why I dreamt there was a problem with my hand, as when I woke up I found I'd been sleeping on it and it was cramped up. However that doesn't explain the sheer reality of the situation and the fact that I can remember it so well. Normally I can never remember dreams. The REALLY weird part was that I only seemed to snap out of it when someone asked me how I'd damaged my hand and I couldn't remember. Bang! I was awake.

Excuse Me, Miss!

2009-09-13T22:00:00.002+01:00

I have glaucoma. This, on the grate scale of terminal diseases, with "Being Alive With No Problems Whatsoever" being a Zero and "Oh Look Dear, He's Dead-ed" being a 10, probably scores somewhere around the 0.45 mark. After all, I could actually go proper blind. Though this, given the rate of increase in my short-sightedness, was already a distinct possibility. So given those facts, it does seem somewhat [a lot] pathetic to actually complain about it, when all I have to do to avoid the consequences of said affliction is apply one drop of medication to each eye. Daily. Simples.

Under The Weather

2009-09-12T18:00:00.002+01:00

A rather mixed bag of day today. The warm sunny weather continues and managed to get in a couple really nice long walks with the DSM and the beloved canine. However, I have this low grade headache grumbling away making things just that little bit unpleasant. I was hoping that following the tooth extraction all these headaches would stop, but no such luck. It may have something to do with the eye-drops of course but I've been doing them daily and it's been fine. Speaking of which, I'm still not getting that right, as my spacial orientation, when not wearing glasses and looking in a mirror, goes all to pot.

TV Review - Vampire Diaries

2009-09-11T18:00:00.000+01:00

So here is the first big newbie of the autumn season. It's shows like this that make me feel a] very old; and at the same time b] glad that I'm not actually a teenager anymore. This is the very angst ridden tale of teenage vampires and forgotten love and blagh...blagh...blagh. I know I shouldn't complain [but fuck it, I will] as I really am not the demographic but, I was supposedly too old for Buffy TVS and I enjoyed that. The big difference being that Joss Whedon could write snappy intelligent dialogue, and the show never took itself seriously.

Swan Watch 2009 Part 7 Update

2009-09-10T18:00:00.002+01:00

Today saw yet another encounter with the DSM's favourite avian family and boy haven't they grown. Nearly all their downy fluff has gone, to be replaced with adult proper [albeit grey] feathers. They can also waddle around quite comfortably now without having to sit down after every five steps, whilst trying to carry about their not inconsiderable bulk. Soon they will be turning white and fluing off to pastures new and I shall have to put up with the DSM going through her highs and lows and "where are they nows" all over again. But bless, she does mean well.

The One After Nine O Nine

2009-09-09T18:00:00.002+01:00

The much hyped Beatles remasters went on sale today. Though, as predicted, they were already [as someone at The Word's website put it] available in that rough patch at the back of the internet. I did the decent thing and downloaded BOTH the stereo and mono versions, and playing them discovered the following...

1] The mono versions are less painful to listen to on headphones.
2] As MP3s played through either PC speaker or headphones sound pretty much the same as the originals.*
3] No matter how many times I play them I will NEVER get bored of listening to these fantastic songs.**

* Thus saving me a nice wad of cash and shelf space.
**Some say Revolution #9 is "avant-garde" but I think it's "bloody noodling"

Crossing Continents

2009-09-08T22:12:00.002+01:00

With the US Summer season drawing to a close new episodes are thing on the ground. Fortunately for me and my junkie-like dependency on the goggle box there was plenty of home grown entertainment to keep me amused. First of we had the fragrant* Joanna Lumley presenting a two-part documentary on the history of cats and humans relationship with them. It was doing well for about the first 3 minutes till she had to use the now standard phrase of these Celebumentaries "going on a journey." Aaghh! On yet another "Journey" was national treasure** Sir Stephen of Fry, in "Last Chance To See" taking over the mantle of Douglas Adams, doing a follow up on the state of the creatures DNA first encountered 20 years ago. Finally we had the first outing for Julia Mackenzie's "Marple" the "Miss" having vanished into the ether. I avoided the Geraldine McEwan interpretation due to the liberties taken with the plots. On the evidence of this, it looks like they aren't straying from the path quite so far.

*contractual obligation
**contractual obligation

A Certain Amount Of Discomfort

2009-09-07T18:00:00.003+01:00

To complete the triple bill of medical related adventures, following the hospital and the vets, today was the dentists. The big day had finally arrived. My decomposing gnasher was coming out, the hard way. All joking apart, it proved to be the hard way. Persistent little bugger refused to be extracted without first being cut up into tiny pieces. I'm one tooth down and only able to eat & brush one side of my mouth. However, I have learnt a very valuable lesson. Having a tooth pulled is NOT.NICE. So try and avoid it in the future shall we?

Reasons To Be Cheerful Part IV

2009-09-06T22:06:00.001+01:00

1] Beloved canine's poorly paw was much improved and he's walking again without limp. Took him back to the vet, where he was given another anti-inflammatory and told to rest up. Fortunately it's been a naff day weather wise, so long walks were out anyway.
2] Had, what I thought would be, a trial run at tomorrow's report and blow me if it didn't actually work out - first time and all! That is what I would call a RESULT.
3] The Beatles Remasters leaked out all over the shallower end of the interwebs and I, naturally, downloaded them. To be brutally honest I really don't know what all the fuss is about. I supposed if I had some really top of the range bleedin' edge speakers "n' shit" maybe my cloth ears would pick up something. Anyways, as the MP3s are better quality than my existing CD rip I'm keeping these.

Holby City Has Got Nothing On This House

2009-09-05T22:44:00.002+01:00

It has been as "they" say "a funny old day." I have discovered that applying eye drops is not so easy to do, especially when you are as short-sighted as me. Oh and this stuff cost effectively £8 a bottle [eeep!] so I can't really go about "splashing it all over." Hopefully, with a little more practice, I'll get the hang of it. Mind you, it's not like I have much of a choice - failure to keep up with medication may result in blindness - nice. In other medical emergency news, the beloved canine, managed to get himself stung by a wasp whilst out walking this morning. Had to carry him home and then rush him to the vets. We didn't know at the time it was a wasp wotdunnit, only that the poor chap couldn't walk. The vet identified the culprit and the appropriate medication was administered. He is now, whilst not fully cured, at least a lot more comfortable.

I Can't See For Miles

2009-09-04T22:44:00.003+01:00

When I went to the Opthamologist this morning it was with full confidence that they would repeat what they had told me on the previous two visits, that there was nothing to worry about and everything was indeed OK. I'd been referred to the specialist last July by my optician when, following a field test, they found that my "blind spot" [the area where the optic nerve enters the eye] was not as it should be. Two visits later and I was advised that this was due to my extreme myopia, but come back in 9 months just to make sure that it hasn't gotten worse. Well the field test actually improved [yeah for me] however my "interocular pressure" has gone up, which is a symptom of glaucoma. So now, I am on eye drops to reduce said pressure. I asked the doctor how long this would be for and he said - "The rest of your life."

The Weekend Starts Here

2009-09-03T22:23:00.000+01:00

When I decided to attempt to make a blog entry every day, I didn't realise that a] it would be so difficult and b] it had the potential to turn into such a moan-fest. No moaning today - pleased to report that today's report production went in correct and proscribed manner. Which is good cos I've got the day off tomorrow [like an official holiday baby] as I'm visiting the eye doctor and I'm going to be unable to see properly for most of the day. In other news the DSM[tm] and I had to curtail our parambulatory activity due to excessive precipitation. Bleedin' pissed it down!

All Work & No Play

2009-09-02T18:00:00.001+01:00

This new report that I've been tasked with producing isn't really complicated - I'd hate for you to think I've got it hard. It's basically involves gathering together a whole bunch of disparate spreadsheets and cut 'n' paste to another spreadsheet and bish-bosh Bob is your proverbial Monkhouse. Except that it's NOT quite that straightforward as there is a temporal dimension involved - making sure that all the submissions all relate to the same day or, as I discovered today, you can spend hours trying to fix a mistake that ISN'T THERE!! You've simply used the wrong days figures :P

Tuesday Night Music Club

2009-09-01T22:26:00.005+01:00

The good, the bad and the dull of recent acquisitions; or why it's sometimes a good thing not to pay for music.

First is Canadian guitarist Rachelle Van Zanten, with a bit of down n dirty country-rock.

Next, New Yorker Ingrid Michaelson, who's much more in the indie folk mold

And finally today this is the wonderful voice of Samara Lubelski

Those were the good, as for the bad & dull; The XX, a much lauded band who I found to be dullness squared and with apologies to young Mr Gray, The Joy Formidable, who's record left me singularly unmoved.

Just Another Manic Monday

2009-08-31T18:00:00.003+01:00

I am not, by nature, someone who is frightened of anything "new" particularly if that "new" is usually followed by the word "technology". If this relates to PC software upgrades, 10 years of working on a helpdesk, experience has taught me that things do not, in the general scheme of things, go well. When my beloved employer and large multi-national computer company announced that it's Laptops security would require a physical USB security key, I was a little excited at this James Bond-ish bit o'kit. However this required an online registration. This is where, if I had any, I would have been pulling out my hair. It should have been simple enough. Enter your details, press enter and as they say Bob, is indeed, your Monkhouse. However, I was repeatedly told that I had entered my details incorrectly, but helpfully it failed to actually mentioned WHICH bit of information was wrong. I then spent several hours both trying different variations of information AND attempting to find an actual Human type Being to assist me. The online help and FAQs were useless - I couldn't correct something I didn't know was wrong and the explanation for what information was required didn't extend much beyond the field name. So Story, Long, Short, having found a Someone to talk to, I discovered what I was doing wrong and why [ambiguous definition] plugged in the correct details and was sorted. Well mostly - all I managed to achieve was getting the system to send my manager an email to tell her that I'd registered and that she need to sent me a passcode for the next stage of the registration process. All this before they want to do a remote rebuild!

Things Wot I Have Learned

2009-08-30T21:00:00.007+01:00

Q - Why did I not know Kary Rose released her second record back in 2007?
A - Oh I Know this one! Cos quite frankly, it's a bit rubbish.

Q - Why is James Murdoch having yet another go at the BBC?
A - "People Say" it's got nothing to do with the fact he's only got his current job cos daddy owns the company.

Q - What do you get when you have a bunch of bikini clad models reading dialogue from Star Wars?
A - Something that is wrongerty wrong wrong and yet the adolescent in me also thinks it's very, very funny.

Record Review: Dot Allison - Room 7½

2009-08-29T18:00:00.003+01:00

The new Dot Allison record "appeared" on my computer, thanks to young Mr Gray. Finally got around to giving it a listen today. Not that familiar with her work, just the occasional tune off Last.fm but I was aware of her due to Messrs Gray & Spain's ongoing championing. I have got to say, unlike some records I've listened to recently [I'm thinking of you Ms Heap] it managed to grab enough of my attention to want to play it again. She sounds a little like Lisa Germano crossed with Louise Wener - very much in a good way.

Danger! Man Putting Up Umbrella!

2009-08-28T18:00:00.005+01:00

I have actually had work to do for the last couple of days! How cool is that? OK, let's not get too excited, it's only a little report that needs to be run daily and takes [once I've gotten into the swing of it] about half an hour but it's SOMETHING.TO.DO. Additionally I've been sent a funky digital password generator thingy which will allow me access to some government related information, and hence yet MORE.WORK. All joking apart, it's good to finally have something properly constructive to do. Mind you it's going to seriously interfere with my social life!

It's Déjà Vu All Over Again

2009-08-27T12:00:00.001+01:00

It's a long established tradition in the music biz for artists to copy/pay homage/totally rip off the artwork from a classic album for their own effort. However I would suggest that if you are going to do this you'd pick something a little more existing that Ms Chan Marshall's "Jukebox." A cover so monumentally dull as to be soporific. Thus it make you wonder why the gorgeous and lovely Alison Sudol would wish to copy it for her latest A Fine Frenzy record "Bomb In A Birdcage." It could be a coincidence but it doesn't excuse the dullness.

Me Vs The Weather

2009-08-26T12:00:00.002+01:00

I had to go and open my big gob didn't I? All that "it's been a bit miserable but I've avoided the rain" crap. Well, I didn't avoid the rain today, I can tell you. Despite being armed with raincoat and umbrella, I manged to get absolutely saturated. Serves me right. On the plus side [see, I try and be a glass half full sorta guy] my boots proved to be adept at the simple task of keeping my feet dry.

On a related note, I learnt it's not a good idea to put "soaking wet" into Google image search....uurgh!

Fangs For The Memories

2009-08-25T12:00:00.000+01:00

At the risk of this turning into a "my adventures in dentistry" blog, today saw me back in the reclining chair for the second time in just over a week. Which is pretty good considering I haven't been for, maybe 5 years? This time I was under the hygienist's tender mercies as she hacked away at that lovely plaque. She gave me the usual lecture about flossing, not just brushing. Which is fine 'cept I really REALLY hate flossing! I have once again vowed to take better care and make more regular visits. Now just waiting for the extraction...

We've Been Poisoned By These Fairy Tales

2009-08-24T22:43:00.007+01:00

The Monday Greys

2009-08-24T22:32:00.002+01:00

Today has been one of those days that can't be classified as either good or bad. It was more sort of "meh" as ver kids might [or might not] say these days. The much promised rains of yesterday finally arrived and as has been it's want of late, proved to be somewhat less than torrential. On the plus side, what rain there was, managed not to fall whilst I was out walking the dog. This is a run of good luck I do expect to end sometime soon, I just hope that I shall be properly attired when it occurs.

Hello Mrs Jones, How's Your Bert's Lumbago

2009-08-23T21:47:00.008+01:00

A rather splendid weekend comes to a close. The weather has been lovely, managing to be not too hot with the rain holding off to those periods when, myself and the DSM[tm] were not out walking the dog. We must have done about 15 miles in total - pleased with that. Also managed to get "stuff" done, by which I mean, sort out a few more photos, catch up on some reading [nearly finished this month's Word] whilst putting my feet up and listening to some music. Now that's what I call a way to spend a couple of days.

A Small Remembrance Of Something More Solid

2009-08-22T21:56:00.003+01:00

After months of "faffing about doing bugger all" and generally wasting my time/life away in previously unknown ways, I actually did something vaguely constructive yesterday. No, it wasn't anything work related before you all get too excited. What I did was, sort out all the pictures I've taken at gigs over the years into some semblance of chronological order. Having done that, I started the slightly more time consuming task of editing them down to something I can post online. The first batch can be seen here, as I'm going to be posting them according to the gig date.

Go Forth And Fornicate

2009-08-21T12:00:00.000+01:00

I don't care what anybody says, swearing is big and clever. I've already mentioned that when used properly it can even be raised to an art form. Sometimes it can also be bloody funny.

For example, here we have Malcolm Tucker the uber potty mouthed spin doctor from "The Thick Of It" and "In The Loop" giving those around him a few pearls of wisdom.

This is the whole of the film "In Bruges" reduced down to just the swearing, of which there was, as you can tell, an AWFUL lot.

If that didn't make you chortle then FUCK OFF!

Is It Safe..? Is It Safe..?

2009-08-20T12:00:00.001+01:00

The day of reckoning finally arrived and yesterday saw my date with the dentist's chair. As suspected, I have a rotten tooth requiring root canal surgery. Now, many a time I've used that as the preferred option to some other unpleasant activity, finding that it's now the primary option I'm not so keen. Anyways, I have a gone with the simplest course of action, which is to have the bugger taken out, rather than filled and crowned. Not only cos it's the cheapest option, but it's less time and general pratting about i.e. only 1 hour's work rather than 3.

DVD Review - Tutti Frutti

2009-08-19T12:00:00.001+01:00

First off let me mention that this was first broadcast 22 years ago. TWENTY-TWO!!! How the hell did that happen, and more to the point where the fuck did the time go? I've worked with people who weren't even born in 1987 damnit. Also I think it's a mark of the impression it made on the 19 year old me that I can still remember it reasonably well after all this time, despite it never having been repeated. I even have the original soundtrack album on vinyl! The cover of Love Hurts on this still remains my favourite version, you can feel the pain. Plus you get a young and gorgeous Emma Thompson with a huge quiff - what more could you ask for?

What Time Is It???

2009-08-18T01:31:00.006+01:00

Last night, that is Monday morning, I was awake 'till 2am because of the bloody toothache [again]. Today however, I am still awake at this ungodly hour [of a Tuesday morning] because I spent much of the day yesterday [that's Monday still] asleep, trying to catch-up on the whole "been awake all night cos of the toothey-achey thingy." I think I may well have just totally buggered up my body clock. Some bizarre form of jet lag that doesn't actually involve any of that nasty getting on a plane and crossing time-zones business. More annoyingly, I actually have some real, work type work to do tomorrow - that is today, Tuesday - and I would have liked to have been reasonably corpus-mentus*. In an effort to occupy my time, I have written this blog and listened to Imogen Heap's (poshest woman in pop[tm]) new album which is being streamed here. Very nice it is too. Now, I shall exit stage left and attempt to readjust to British Summer time by having a kip.

But I'm Just Back Dated, Yeah

2009-08-17T18:00:00.002+01:00

The very splendid and worthwhile David Ford has announced a new 12 date tour of the UK. After much[some] deliberation and despite the temptation the promise of many new tunes and machinery - his remote controlled drummer has to been seen to be believed - I have thus far managed to avoid the temptation of booking. This choice has been made a lot easier of course by the fact that the closest gig is in Nottingham. With luck there will be a Milk and Cookies Christmas show again, slightly closer to home which I shall be able to attend.

I'm Wild About Natalie

2009-08-16T21:31:00.006+01:00

Natalie Imbruglia has a new record coming out. Which pleases me. Possibly more than a 41 year old white heterosexual man should be pleased, but what the heck. If I hadn't been on my strict* gig embargo I'd have been at her most recent London show. Hopefully with the arrival of "Come To Life" there will also be new tour dates announced. This is the video from the lead single - "Wild About It." As the critics will no doubt say it's not much of a departure from previous efforts, but it's a cheery little tune and I likes it.

*and when I say strict, I of course don't count Messrs Chatterley and Stonier in that.
That's a life size picture of Ms Imbruglia - she's tiny!

Much Ado About Nothing

2009-08-15T23:18:00.005+01:00

"I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood.
For there was never yet philosopher that could endure the toothache patiently.
However they have writ the style of gods and made a push at chance and sufferance."

Been another out of sorts day as the toothache returned with avengence last night, making sleep impossible. Spent most of the wee small hours of the morning pacing between the bed and the computer, checking my email and twitter feed trying not to rip out my own jaw in frustration. Ended up hitting the paracetamol and by about 5am the pain had dimmed down to tolerable levels. At which point I gave the furry-ed hoard their breakfast and took the dog around the block for his morning ablutions. After that, in the manner reminiscent of a heroine from a Victorians melodrama, I took to my bed for a couple of hours much need sleep. The good news is that I haven't required any further pharmaceutical intervention since then, though there was a brief twinge during dinner, which went as suddenly as it arrived.

More Than Words

2009-08-14T23:18:00.004+01:00

IKEA Nightly

2009-08-14T22:58:00.003+01:00

I have, or rather had, a nice comfy chair. A recliner, covered in genuine imitation leather, from which I enjoy my downloady goodness. Or rather I did up till yesterday when the base sheared off and the whole thing collapsed, with me in it. Somehow I managed to avoid any injuries to myself, but the chair itself was dead. I was bereft, to say the least. If I had the receipt I'd have taken it back and complained but I'm sure they would have mentioned something along the lines of "you're a fat bastard" and told me to try a diet. Anyway the practical upshot of all this, was a trip to the layer of Scandinavian hell known as IKEA in order to secure a replacement. Not my favourite way of spending the evening, but necessary for comfort viewing. For once it was a fairly painless exercise and only 45 minutes later I was home again with a shiny new chair. Job done.

Book Review - Paddington Here And Now

2009-08-13T12:00:00.007+01:00

I was intruduced to the adventures of Paddington Bear of Darkest Peru, via the animated shorts, back when we had proper children's television. It was much, much later that I first bought any of the books. This new* collection celebrates the fiftieth birthday of everyone's favourite illegal immigrant. These stories are set in a now long gone middle class England. Who, in these economic times, has a live-in English [not cheap foreign] housekeeper, two children at private school and a mother that doesn't work? Those are, of course, all problems for adults to worry about. My inner child loved it.

*ok new to me - the book's been out a while.

Step Back In Time...

2009-08-12T12:00:00.003+01:00

Do Not Adjust Your Screen - A Normal Service Will Be Restored...
Some of you gentle readers may have noticed a distinct lack of blogging the past few days. Or not. Either way, this has been due to the major fug I've been in due tooth-ache*. The pain is under "sort of" control, thanks to a combination of constant brushing, analgesic gel and the odd dose of paracetamol. The dentist is still a week away and I'm trying to lay off the drugs, as frack only knows how much pain I'm going to be in afterwards. Anyway as you can tell I have pulled myself together and done a bit of catching up.

*which just exacerbated my general laziness.

Record Review: Lisa Mitchell - Wonder

2009-08-11T12:00:00.002+01:00

As mentioned, the mighty Pelmet really does try my ~~stalking~~ ~~devotion~~ gig going, with the poor quality of support [something, if rumours are to be believed, she's maintained at least for the forthcoming Manchester show.] Lisa Mitchell proved to be an exception. Despite being VERY young, an Australian Idol reject and sporting some dodgy head gear, still managed to impress me enough to keep an eye out for her album. Despite suffering from all the faults you could imagine of being the first record by a teenager, it shows definite promise and some catchy tunes. Not least Neopolitan Dreams* and "Coin Laundry"

* not that I'm showing bias for a mention of the land of my fathers honest ;)

You Live, You Learn...At Any Rate You Live

2009-08-10T12:00:00.000+01:00

I have already noted my concern over the new Hitchhiker's book "And Another Thing" by Eoin Colfer and acknowledged the fact that no matter how rubbish it may be I'm still going to buy it in order to actually find out. In case it isn't. When Mr Gary of this parish informed me that Mr Colfer would be at the Manchester Literature Festival, I didn't need to think much before deciding to attend.* This is the same week as publication, so I won't have time to have read it, but if I have it I'll take it to get signed.**

*the fact that it's only £7 and in Manchester helped.
** Yes I am that shallow - so sue me :P

Swan Watch 2009 Part 6 Update

2009-08-09T12:00:00.000+01:00

The ongoing saga of the Swans is still err...ongoing. Having once again vanished completely from our little stretch of the Mersey, [I keep telling the DSM, it's a BIG river even if you are large, grey and flightless] the family Cygnus once again popped up for a slice of Salisbury's' economy range white bread. I shudder to think what that stuff is doing to the birds insides. Frankly I'm surprised any of the ducks who get their daily bread* can still manage to actually fly. Anyhew, all still present and correct and the DSM is thus a contented coniglio.

*did ya see what I did there? Oh will the hilarity EVER begin?

More Than Just A Saggy Old Cloth Cat

2009-08-08T12:00:00.000+01:00

Like many others of a certain age. the works of Oliver Postgate holds a special place in my heart. It was something of a delight to discover that the Union Chapel in London are putting on a show of the music of Vernon Elliot [who did all of the music for the Smallfilms prouctions] as a tribute to Postgate, who died last December. Having grown up with Ivor The Engine, The Clangers, Bagpuss and all the others, this was too tempting an opportunity to miss. I suspect that I may find something in my eye before the evening is over.

They could be fascist anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

2009-08-07T10:57:00.005+01:00

John Hughes 1950-2009
I was saddened to hear of the sudden death of the legendary director, producer and writer from a heart attack yesterday. Responsible for a series of classic 80's teen comedies he will always have a fond place in my heart for directing two of my all time favourites "The Breakfast Club" and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

So, as Ferris himself would say, lets take some time to stop and smell the roses - celebrate his life.

Oh and the fact that I also developed a lifelong crush on both Ally Sheedy and Mia Sara could also be laid at his door.

Is It Safe?

2009-08-06T23:16:00.001+01:00

I have tried to deny it, but the pain has finally gotten too much for me or the painkillers to bare. I am going to have to visit the dentist and get the missing filling and half of my tooth replaced sooner rather than later. That I've managed to ignore it so far has been because it doesn't hurt in the way that most tooth ache works i.e. when you poke and prod the affected area. No, mine is a persistent dull throb. Thus the bullet needs to be bit. Even if that means more pain in the short term.

Momento Mori

2009-08-05T22:43:00.003+01:00

It was my dad's birthday yesterday. He would have a been 76. I forgot. I asked my mother this morning if that made me a bad person. She said no, but I still can't help feeling that despite all the petty stupid irrelevant stuff that seems to be occupying [and I use the term loosely] my time, I really should have remembered this one date. Seeing that it's half-way between mine and my brother's birthdays it shouldn't be that difficult. So as a minor act of contrition* here's a little piece of Italy that was very close to his heart.

A Word To The Wise

2009-08-04T12:00:00.001+01:00

It came as a bit of a shock today, when reading through the Word Magazine website that the new issue is out [not that I've have received my copy yet]. I mention this simply because for the first time in quite a while I haven't actually finished reading the current issue yet. This begs the question what exactly am I doing with my time? I'm not "busy" at work, there's hardly any downloady telly goodness and yet here I am, a month behind with my reading. Worryingly I seem to be filling my days with extensive periods of nothing.

TV Review - Defying Gravity

2009-08-03T22:34:00.002+01:00

Coming hot on the heels of similarly themed "Virtuality" in which a mixed group of astronauts are sent on a extended mission of discovery, with sinister overtones that all is not what it appears. In DG's case the mcguffin is a possibly alien entity that is directing the mission. All that's fine, but my problem with this "pure" type of SciFi* is that it's makers rather constrict themselves from the outset. Your cast is strictly limited and while you can kill them off, replacing them is not so easy to do when the ship is a million light years from home. The same goes for communications - how do you get around the fact that it takes however many minutes for a message to get from ship to earth and then back again? That of course is as nothing to my other concern with this show is that it's been pitched as "Gray's Anatomy In Space." A show so sugary I had to stop watching as it was making my teeth itch.

*as apposed to "fantacy" sci-fi is where there are aliens, faster than light travel and basically, unlike Scotty, you CAN change the laws of physics.

Painting A Picture

2009-08-02T12:00:00.001+01:00

Today is the 100th day since I started my 100 words a day blog project. I was always given a diary at Christmas* and would, come January 1st beginning chronicling my year. After the initial flurry of daily entries, the excitement would quickly die down and I'd be lucky to see anything of note after February. Yet, here I am some three and a half months later and still plugging away. Have I learnt anything apart from the fact that even a miserable 100 words a day is bloody hard work? One thing. My life really is THAT dull.

Book Review - 1983 by David Peace

2009-08-01T23:26:00.004+01:00

First off apologies for no review of 1980, by the time I got round to trying to write one I was already well into this. Weaving 3 separate narratives, and moving back and forth over 10 years, this was the biggest and most ambitious of the quartet. Retelling much of what had been covered in the previous 3 books, this time from other character's points of view, giving a whole new view on the events of the missing schoolgirl story which has underpinned this quartet. I think in my rush to finish I may have skimmed over some of the more complicated plots twists, because as the end drew near, I found myself getting increasingly confused. A confusion made worse by the alterations to the story made by the TV version which I'd seen before the books. Resorting the the internet for some assistance, it was pleasing to find that I was not alone. Not to say I didn't enjoy the darkly grim ride, but I am going to have to return to the wild n windy moors, this time armed with a notebook to try and keep track of all the characters and how they interact. Maybe it will make things clearer.

New Music Friday

2009-07-31T22:00:00.001+01:00

Lisa Germano I had already encountered way back in 1996 with "Excerpts From A Love Circus" but I've recently been updating my collection with her previous work, in preparation for her new record "Magic Neighbor" coming our way later this year. This is a cheery track from her first "Happiness" were it's called "Destroy The Flower." Though there is a song called "The Dresses Song" which isn't this. For added weirdness, there's a down 'n' dirty cover of "These Boots Are Made For Walking" but for some reason that's billed as "Sycophant" - go figure.

Another oldie with a new record out is Mindy Smith. Her name I got from Ian Spain - a man who's musical recommendations have cost me a pretty penny over the years. The new album's called "Stupid Love" but this fabulous cover is from 2006's "Long Island Shores." My review of her live show last year, is here.

Marie Digby cropped up as a Last.fm recommendation. She produces reasonably straightforward inoffensive pop, but I was enticed by the acoustic bonus tracks on her first album "Unfold." Which is a good thing because that managed to smuggle a cover of that bloody "Umbrella" song onto my computer...ella...ella...ella... The new record "Breathing Underwater" is a lot more grown up.

And finally for today, a web find by the name of Belle Who. A combination of her name and title of her record "Can't Whistle When You Smile" was enough to tempt me to download. Fortunately it's pretty damn good, so it's a keeper.

The Further Adventures Of Simon's Cat.

2009-07-30T12:00:00.001+01:00

Just over a year ago I discovered the work of Simon Tofield and the animated chronicles of his unnamed cat. Well long has been the wait but here is the next installment. As anyone who has more than a passing connection to a feline this rather too close to documentary for comfort. Though it's rather more determined than mine. The chubby one attempted to chase a spider but gave up when the "prey" made good it's escape by devious trick of going up the stairs. So much for the cunning hunter! There's also a book available from all good booksellers.

Day 14975

2009-07-29T20:19:00.004+01:00

Things I learned from the Internet today...

Modern Life Is Rubbish - Kate Miller-Heidke really doesn't want to be your friend on Facebook

Say What Now? - A five year old sings Johnny Cash's "Fulsom Prison Blues" with a disturbing haircut and a Who t-shirt.

Weirder Shit - Penguins can not only shoot their poo out up to 15 inches but they can fart in anger.

Silver Surfer - 103 year old Ivy Bean is the latest interweb sensation.

Today's The Day - It's my birthday today so allow me the indulgence of having Claire Grogan sing for me.

Not Worth The Paper It's Written In

2009-07-28T22:02:00.004+01:00

This article appeared in yesterday's G2 about a "new wave" of offensive comedians. It contains, what would best be described as highly selected quotes from comedian Richard Herring. If you are unfamiliar with his work you would be left with the distinct impression that he is a racist, BNP supporting bigot. I'm not going to defend his comments - he does that more than eloquently here and this is Dave Gorman's opinion on the matter.

I'm bitterly disappointed that, as a self confessed woolly liberal pinko leftie Guardian reader, to find that it too engages in the sort of vile behaviour that you would expect of a more tawdry tabloid like the Mail or Express. It would seem that almost no member of the fourth estate is to be trusted

A Grand Day Out

2009-07-27T22:01:00.004+01:00

As mentioned yesterday, I have this somewhat boy-scoutish habit of always needing to "be prepared." Ok what I'm actually saying is that I'm a control freak. When someone announces a gig at an unknown venue, I tend to get all tense & nervous. What if I can't find it? What if there's nowhere to park? What if, [oh lorks!] I'm NOT first in the queue???*

So, with the weather on Sunday morning proving to be somewhat inclement for a prolonged walk with the dog, I took myself, the DSM[tm] and said canine, off in the car, to one Nunnington Hall in deepest darkest Yorkshire, where the mighty Pelmet will be performing.

In summary I discovered that;

It's a trip of 100 miles plus lasting 2 and bit hours.
A 17% incline will be probably be a bit scary in the dark and [maybe] snow.
There is NO phone signal let alone interwebs!

Apart from that and nearly running over a Pea-hen it's a lovely place for a gig. Just not in the middle of bloody December!

*it was this sort of behaviour that contributed to my "year off" decision.

On The Road To Somewhere

2009-07-26T12:00:00.002+01:00

Being a belt n braces sort of a guy I have just spent a couple of hours plugging in the co-ordinates, for the rather more distant gigs wot I have booked, to Margo the Satnav's database. I've added the addresses, telephone numbers and locations into the phone as well. Oh and just to be even more sure n secure I've also written the details down into the diary. Paranoid of getting lost? Moi? Perish the thought! But I wouldn't want to show up late, flustered, and thus miss being in the front row. Now that wouldn't be right would it?

Revised Gig List

Sep 18 - ISIHAC @ Opera House, Manchester
Oct 09 - Nerina Pallot @ 53 Degrees Preston
Oct 10 - Nerina Pallot @ Ruby Lounge Manchester
Oct 11 - Nerina Pallot @ The Duchess Sheffield
Nov 01 - Adam Hills @ The Lowry Salford
Nov 24 - Thea Gilmore @ Pacific Road Birkenhead
Dec 01 - Thea Gilmore @ Band On The Wall Manchester
Dec 03 - Thea Gilmore @ Bush Hall London
Dec 06 - Nerina Pallot @ Nunnington Hall, York
Dec 18 - Marcus Brigstocke @ The Lowry Salford.
Dec 21 - Thea Gilmore @ Telford's Warehouse, Chester

Swan Watch 2009 Part 5 Update

2009-07-25T22:11:00.003+01:00

Rather like buses, the swans dissappear for weekks on end and then suddenly turn up two days running. This of course pleases the DSM[tm]. It allows her to "coo" and "ahh" endlessly over the signets. Of which, pleasingly there are still four of the little feathery blighters. The general concesus of opinion* is that they should now be "out of danger" and they will all see it to adulthood. I, on the other hand believe that, life in the wild tends to be ugly, brutish and short. So anything could happen. I make sure not to tell the DSM[tm] that.

*the opinion being of course that of the Dear Sainted Mother

Poorly Pussy

2009-07-24T23:36:00.003+01:00

A little bit of unwanted excitement this afternoon, as the DSM noticed that the chubby orange one seemed to have blood in his urine. Much panic thus ensued [which mother does so well] and a trip to the vet was called for. Turns out that he's only got cystitis. Well I say only, it's not nice, but fortunately for him and the DSM, it's not life threatening. Hurrah! The treatment is a couple of injections and he should be right as rain. Much relief all round. Especially from me, cos there's nothing I like less than a panicky mother.

Book Preview - The Salati Case by Tobias Jones

2009-07-23T13:32:00.003+01:00

I haven't done much proper book reading, mostly due to there being more downloady TV than expected during the summer. This hasn't curtailed my purchasing and this is the latest addition to the library. I'd read Jones' previous, the non fiction "Dark Heart Of Italy" detailing how, that wonderful example of human being Silvio Berlusconi, has insinuated himself into every area of Italian life. Knowing how Italy works [or more to the point how to work it] is put to good use in this thriller about a private investigator trying to verify that a missing person is in fact dead.

The Lost Time

2009-07-22T22:43:00.002+01:00

When you listen to a lot of music and have an almost addictive desire for more, some artists you discovered long ago fall under the radar and you sort of forget about them. Then one day up will pop a track on the player and you'll think to yourself - that's bloody lovely that it, I need to listen to the whole album. Such it was with Kat Flint, who's track "Fearsome Crowd" gave me a Proustian rush of nostalgia. This is the video to "Go Faster Stripes" which has the added bonus of featuring our very own Richard Porter.

Christmas In July

2009-07-21T12:00:00.000+01:00

Once again a today's blog is brought to you via Twitter. This time thanks go to Alan Pedder of Wears The Trousers who announced that Tori Amos is apparently putting out a Christmas record later this year. Do we really need yet another Christmas record in the world? It's bad enough that the mighty Mrs Stonier has gotten in on the act and is also putting out some Crimble choons this festive season. How many more versions of "Chestnuts Roasting" can one person own? Along with that nugget of news Alan also posted this fabulous homage/pisstake to Ms Amos.

I Hope My Legs Don't Break

2009-07-20T22:00:00.002+01:00

Today's the 40th anniversary of the Moon landings, and I've just spent a couple of hours watching a by-the-minute recreation via WeChooseTheMoon. It was oddly moving. I was just short of my first birthday*, so it's not something I remember first hand, but my mother watched and has photographs she took of the television. That's what you did in 1969 to record momentous occasions - you took a black and white photo of a black and white TV picture. If I wanted to be really post-modern I'd have taken a picture of the pictures and posted them here.

*I'm old, yes, just not THAT old - despite the beard.

Bella Bella! Film Review - Gregory's Girl.

2009-07-19T14:07:00.005+01:00

This is the perfect wet Sunday afternoon movie. Which was handy as today’s Sunday and this afternoon was indeed, wet. It’s been a few years since I last saw it and despite being nearly 30 years old*, it’s lost none of it’s charm – and Clare Grogan’s in it. There were a couple of moments though, when the modern clashed badly with the ancient. First, when the workmen wolf-whistled “Dorothy” who it should be noted, is only supposed to be 15. Behaviour which nowadays will get you put on the sex offenders register before you could get the 2nd whistle out. The other is where Gregory’s sister was ogled at by his friends and described as a “10 year old with the body of a 13 year old.” Granted they in turn are only supposed to be 14 themselves, it still made me flinch. Times, they have-a changed.

30 years? How the hell did that happen???

TV Review - True Blood

2009-07-18T18:12:00.002+01:00

The creation of Alan “Six Feet Under” Ball and cable channel HBO, this comes with a good pedigree. Documenting the adventures of barmaid Sookie Stockhouse, living in a world where vampires have “come out of the coffin” thanks to the invention of synthetic blood. Broadcast last year in the US it now reaches the UK, hailed as the best thing on TV since, well, the last best thing. I watched the first three episodes and despite being TV junkie, I found the character of Stookie to be so incredibly annoying that I wanted to to hit her repeatedly with a piece of 2x4. Where’s Buffy when you need her?

Live Review - Pretenders/Squeeze Liverpool Arena

2009-07-17T18:22:00.005+01:00

The first and only gig of the summer* saw myself and Messrs Gray and Watt off to the Liverpool Arena [much smaller in real life] to see a double headed of The Pretenders and Squeeze. Both are bands with 30 odd years of hits under their belts and they do exactly what’s expected of them. The 70 minutes of the Pretenders flew by – their set comprising all of the usual suspects, peppered with a few songs from new record [natch] but none the worse for that. Squeeze are, of course, are the ultimate sing-a-long band and having been introduced by Peter Kay and arriving on stage riding bicycles [crayzee guys!] did not disappoint with a 90 min plus show, which got the crowd on their feet from the off.

Someone on the Word website did comment that the sound was poor with a distinct and annoying echo. From the 2nd row I noticed this too, but maybe being so close to the speaker stacks took the edge off and wasn’t so obtrusive.

I did spend most of this morning wondering around in what I can only describe as a hungover state, which is bloody annoying seeing as I wasn’t actually drinking last night. This served to remind me why I tried to cut down on the giggage. If I felt this bad after a trip to Liverpool how am I going to be schlepping all the way to Preston and York? Then again that’s why I’ve booked holidays for after ?

Thanks to Mike for the use of the pics.

*Mr Gray is off to Sheffield next Saturday for some free festival which he is charged with photographing and he’s taking the FPO and asked me to tag along to provide her with company while he’s working. Who knows it might just be fun

Harmless...Mostly.

2009-07-16T11:30:00.002+01:00

This is the cover on the new Hitchhiker’s book. I have mixed feeling about this. I am a huge H2G2 fan and part of me feels this is some sort of sacrilege. On the other hand given that the last effort by Douglas Adams “Mostly Harmless” was, in my opinion, nothing more than a contractual obligation knock-off, this effort by Eoin Colfer [who wrote the best selling Artimis Foul series] couldn’t be worse. The bottom line is that I will [must] get it. Having seen the foul mess that was the official movie this will hardly sully the brand any further.

We Has A Cunning Plan

2009-07-15T10:06:00.003+01:00

The long held suspicion that cats is evil seems to have finally been scientifically proved. Ok, maybe not actually evil, but definitely more Machiavellian. According to an article in yesterdays Guardian, scientists studying feline behaviour have found cats will purr instead of miaowing when hungry, because they know that this will actually get them food rather than just booted out of the bedroom. They obviously didn’t study my little tubby orange friend who would get me out of bed of a morning with a well placed claw to the toe. There is a reason he now lives with the DSM.

Justa One Cornetto!

2009-07-14T14:55:00.002+01:00

It’s the little things in life that really annoy. There’s war, famine, pestilence and death scoring the earth and a jaded eyebrow can barely be raised. Yet the BBC use “O Sole Mio” over pictures of Venice [again!] and I feel like chucking a brick through the TV. If they put the sounds of bagpipes over pictures of London, or used an Oasis track while talking about Liverpool people would be up in arms. OK Maybe in Italy they do, but that’s not the point. It’s just sloppy and frankly the people at Walls have got a lot to answer for.

Plug n Play

2009-07-13T20:42:00.002+01:00

Getting a new Laptop can be a lot of fun, particularly for a geek like me. Even if it is only a bottom of the range HP, it’s got LOTS of coloured lights, so what’s not to like? Thing is, much as I like shiny new toys, a new computer is like moving house. I was comfy with the old one, knew were everything was and how everything worked. I’ve spent all day tweeking / installing / rebooting. Still haven’t got things sorted – the damned IP Phone STILL isn’t working and may require a call to the dreaded helpdesk [shudder].

TV Review - Torchwood: Children Of Earth.

2009-07-12T12:00:00.001+01:00

WARNING!! MAY CONTAIN NUTS AND MINOR PLOT SPOILERS!

Stripped across five nights of prime-time BBC1, the third season of Torchwood was billed as 'event' television at it's most errr..eventy-ist. Having watched the first part on Monday, I took the decision that I would wait 'till Friday to watch the remaining episodes and indulge myself in one almighty 4 hour marathon. The story begins with children all over the world suddenly freezing at the same time. Next they start to chant [in that scary way that kids can] "We are coming!" Given the nature of this show, it's no great mental leap to work out that the "WE" in question is a strange and very probably malevolent, alien race. Designated the 456, it turns out what they want is 10% of the world's children. So, no biggie then!

On the acting front, there's nothing to fault. No one camps it up quite like John Barrowman and guest star Peter Capaldi did a splendid job at portraing yet another civil servant - though I kept expecting him to turn the air blue every time he showed up, a la Malcolm Tucker. The scenes involving how the "units" [no one could bring themselves to say "children"] would be selected were creepily credible and the big "reveal" as to the 456's ultimate motivation was also very well handled and for once not cliched. However, I did feel that over five hours, the show was rather bloated and would have benefited from trimming down at least an hour. I also know it's never a good idea to think too deeply about the plots for these types of shows and generally I don't, but this had more and bigger holes than Blackburn, Lancashire*. Why didn't the 456 [an advanced alien race, remember] just TAKE the children they wanted? Why the all the palaver with the so called negotiations? If they had the power to kill the entire human race, then why not just come out and say so, instead of pussy footing about? In the end, I was left unsatisfied, more so by the raised expectations of the format. The biggest unanswered question though is, will there be a 4th series? With the death of yet another major character, Captain Jack going AWOL, the Swansea Hub blow to kingdom come and more importantly, faithful creator and chief scribe Russell T Davis off to La-La Land was this end?

*That would be 2000 for the non Beatle fans amongst you.

I Wanna Be Like You...Ooh Ooh Ooh

2009-07-11T20:50:00.005+01:00

This is yet another Twitter find, this time c/o Times journo Caitlin Moran. You think you've gotten old, jaded and cynical, and then you find something on the interwebs that's SO utterly simple that it blows your mind. Who knew we could learn something so practical from monkeys and apes? I mean, I've watched many a natural history documentary and not once did it cross my mind, as I watched our simian cousins frolicking about, that I'd spent my entire banana eating life, peeling them the WRONG way? Watch this little demonstration and prepare to change your life forever.

And here's King Louie - note that even HE opens his bananas the right way!

Yer Having A Larf

2009-07-10T12:00:00.000+01:00

Unable to resist the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd I've booked for a couple of comedy shows both at the Lowry in Manchester.

First up is Australian funny man Adam Hills, the only comedian I've seen to buy his audience pizza. Here he is once again failing to maintain order on Spicks & Specks.

The 2nd booking is for ranty Marcus Brigstock. He gives good comedy value when he goes off on one and starts frothing at the mouth. It only takes someone to say BT and he explodes. Here's a recording from The Now Show where he has a go at being an equal opportunities insulter.

Letting It Be

2009-07-09T12:00:00.001+01:00

I've been a fan of The Beatles for as long as I can remember. I've spent the best part of 40 years listening to their music and abosrbing it so that it's probably now part of my DNA. As soon as I could afford it, I went and bought all the vinyl records; the Albums, Singles and EPs. When the CDs finally came out [the delay it was stated, caused by a need to get the quality right] I bought them all again. I bought the remaster of Yellow Submarine, the un Spector'd version of "Let It Be" and the 40th anniversary edition of the "White" album. Add in the Anthology book, videos and DVDs plus sundry other reissues, I think that over the years I've given Mssrs Lennon, McCartney, Harrison and Starr [and not to mention EMI, Sony AND the late and not so great Michael Jackson] more than enough of my monies. So frankly, despite all the promises of "new and improved" sound quality and careful "remastering" I shall be avoiding the over-priced new box set. They said that home taping was killing music. They now say that digital filesharing is killing music. No what's killing music is the record company's constant remilking of their cash-cows like this. I'll wait for them to fall off the back of an interweb. It's not like any of them need the money.

And So Say We All - Battlestar Galactica on DVD

2009-07-08T12:00:00.002+01:00

I was dubious when the remake was announced, being old enough to remember the high camp, low budget Star Wars rip-off 80s original. However that changed after watching the mini series "re-imaging". Centurians that actually looked mean n nasty [humanoid Cylons that looked, well frankly, HOT] and lots of "grit". BSG wasn't another scifi show - it was a proper drama that happend to be set in space. I will admit that it did loose it's way a little in the second half of the 4th season and the finale wasn't as satisfing as it could have been.

Swan Watch 2009 Part 4 Update

2009-07-07T09:34:00.002+01:00

After going AWOL for nearly a month we have finally spotted the Swan family again. Quite why they went upstream so quickly after the chicks hatched is a mystery and a matter of some great concern to the DSM[tm]. I tell her that they must have a good reason for it and leave it at that, but she's mainly bothered by the fact that it means she doesn't get to see them everyday. The bad news is that somewhere between then and now, one of the signets has gone but the remaining four are all very healthy looking.

Exit Route

2009-07-06T12:00:00.001+01:00

Having already booked the Manchester and Chester shows, I am currently looking at the other dates on Thea Gilmore’s tour schedule, and wondering “should I book more?” For example; given that Chester is the last date, should I not book the first in Nottingham, to sort of book-end it? Then what about Birkenhead? Do I go for that also and thus make it an even 4 shows? Should I book a couple of day off and add the London date at Bush Hall to the itinerary? More importantly, there’s the question of who’s the support and are they any good?

A Waste Of Gunpowder And Sky

2009-07-05T12:00:00.001+01:00

Yes, I know it was yesterday, but everyone else was banging on about Independence Day, so I figured I’d wait a day to join the fun.

There are quite literally several songs about, or called, the Forth of July. For those of us who have slightly obscure and refined musical tastes [and aren’t flag waving patriots] the best example of the musical celebration of this national holiday is by Aimee Mann. The reason that I mention it here has nothing to do with celebrating the US's liberation from under the yoke of Imperial opression [oh the irony!] It’s of particular significance to me because, this was the very first Aimee Mann song I ever heard, all way back in 1993, on a CD supplied free with Q magazine. Not having many CDs at the time, it got "heavy rotation" and so, when Our Price [remember them?] did a tie-in promotion of the albums featured I took a gamble on “Whatever” and the result is a 17 year old musical love affair. Interestingly enough, I bought another band’s debut record which was featured on the same freebie, called Radiohead. Now, what ever happened to them I wonder?